Sunday, 3 August 2008

Reading the signs of the times: a blogalypse now?

Here was I being all serious, when Creative Minority Report came up with the ultimate commentary on the recent signs of the times....Read on:

"Witnessing the blogging difficulties over the past days, I realized how precarious is the life of the blogging world. First, Blogger shutdown many blogs. This one working, that one not. Sort of like the rapture for bloggers.

Then, Sitemeter put many Internet Explorer users in the seemingly eternal punishment of a crashing browser. Are these the "Signs of the Times" that foretell of the coming A Blogalypse?

But of that day and hour no one knoweth, not the angels of heaven, but Blogger alone. And as in the days of No (Internet), so shall also the coming Blogalypse be. For as in the days before Algore, they were writing on paper and commenting in margins, sending letters and receiving letters, even till that day in which Algore invented the internet, And they knew not till the web came, and took them all away; so also shall the coming of the Blogalypse be.

Then two shall be at a keyboard: one shall be taken, and one shall be left. Two women shall be posting on their Mommy blogs: one shall be taken, and one shall be left. Watch ye therefore, because ye know not what hour the Blogalypse will come…

And all bloggers shall be gathered together before him, and he shall separate them one from another, as the reader separateth the A-lister from the troll: And he shall set the A-lister on his right hand, but the trolls on his left. Then shall the king say to them that shall be on his right hand:

Come, ye blessed of Blogdom, possess the hosting service prepared for you from the foundation of the internet. For I was searching, and you gave me to read; My statcounter was thirsty, and you gave me a link; I was a stranger, and you commented at my site:

Mailing it in, but you forgave me: anemic statistics and you visited me: I was craving unique visits, and you came to me.

Then shall the just answer him, saying: Lord, when did we see thee posting, and read thee; thirsty, and gave thee a link? And when did we see thee a stranger, and comment therein? Or mailing it in, and forgive thee? Or when did we see thy poor statistics, craving visits and come to thee?

And the king answering, shall say to them: Amen I say to you, as long as you did it to one of these my least bloggers, you did it to me.

Then he shall say to them also that shall be on his left hand: Depart from me, you cursed, onto the ever crashing server which was prepared for the PZ Myers and his minions. For I was posting, and you gave me not a read: I was thirsty, and you gave me not a link. I was a stranger, and you took no notice of me: Mailing it in, and you removed me from your blogroll: with anemic statistics and craving unique visits but you did not visit me.

Then they also shall answer him, saying: Lord, when did we see thee posting, or thirsty, or a stranger, or mailing it in, or anemic and craving visits, and did not link to thee?

Then he shall answer them, saying: Amen I say to you, as long as you did it not to one of these least bloggers, neither did you do it to me.And these shall go into everlasting anonymity: but the just, to very exciting blogger’s conferences."

Hmmm, better go update my links list!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Here is a little Retro-70's liturgical parody just to cheer you up in the face of the Blogalypse.
To the twang of a slightly out-of-tune guitar, think of these wince-making 'mod' liturgical melodies...

"Blog as you are-that's how I want you;
blog as you are, why blog alone? Close to my hits, shared and downloaded;
Blog as you are--why blog alone?"

And, who can forget the "Big Daddy" of Modernist liturgical bloggng songs......

"Blog, then, whoever you may be--I am the lord of the Blog said he
And I'll lead you all, wherever you may be,
I'll lead you all in the Blog said he...."

I'm sure there's a verse that goes like this:

"I blogged in the evening when the screen turned black--
Its hard to blog with a spammer on your back...."etc...

There is a much, much better hymn that could be inspire you to keep going-- "Blog on, blog on, in majesty!"